awkward stuff - Pluto not a planet

awkward stuff – Pluto not a planet

 

Pluto not a planet?

 

Don’t be suckered by Pluto.  Pluto is a cocky little bitch! Way back in 2006 when the mainstream media created the “Pluto not a planet” hype, I went to all the protests, attended all the lectures, and I made a HUGE buzz in every Pluto chat room I could find!  I even mailed letters every day by the boatload to all the other planets BEGGING one of them to step up in defense of their fallen brother, and NOTHING happened!  I thought it was hopeless.  I could not bear to see Pluto being stripped it of its rightful planetary status.  As far as I was concerned the scientists behind it were evil, so I turned to crack cocaine…

 

That was when I started to smell bullshit.  Since then I got off the rock, got into Scientology, and really turned my life around.  I realized that these actual “scientists” can’t fool Rusty Fish Hook!  I am hip to their little publicity stunt.  While I was on a wicked crack bender, I realized that Pluto was the puppet master behind this whole thing!  Everyone on planet Earth fell for it.  We all felt sorry for this thing that we could no longer call a “planet” because of the media, which was being manipulated by Pluto. Coincidentally, everything got really heated at right about the time of the New Horizon launch nine years ago (#TruthBomb).  Pluto’s team of publicists needed something hot, so they cooked up this “Pluto not a planet” story, and us Earthlings ate it up like a fucked up pasta dish.

 

Here we are now in 2015 and Pluto thinks it’s all hot shit, cuz what- it got a few close ups? Fuck that! And now it’s considered a “Dwarf Planet” (which is still technically a planet)?  I always knew that Pluto could be nothing other than a planet- My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine…what?  EXACTLY!!!  Pluto not a planet- It’s a friggin hoax!  Just like the moon landingThere’s no moon!!  I don’t even trust that the Earth is really rotating.  It is all an optical illusion.  Furthermore, it is evident that the Sun and all of the planets in the solar system, are in fact revolving around Pluto.  You may not believe me now, but you will see that I am right someday. It’s all a conspiracy.

 

Stay Awkward,

 

Rusty Fish Hook

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