KANYE WEST (Supremo bag of disposable douche wipes)
As we all know, being a douche nozzle is far worse than just being a typical douche bag. It’s too complicated to get into all of the mechanics of how douching works, but to reiterate: nozzle trumps bag any day of the week in a douch-off. So, without further ado I’d like to induct the next member of the Douche Nozzle of the Month Club: Kanye “it’s because I’m Black” West. What a piece of shit this guy is. Everyone knows that Kanye West is a total ass-hammer. Someone with Kanye’s wealth, and his reach would be in a position to do much good for the world. Instead he does the opposite. Let me first say that I, Rusty Fish Hook, love black people more than white people. It’s true. I can think of MANY white people that deserve a slow, painful death. Having said that, now I’ll tear into this motherfucker! Hey douche nozzle: Save the race card for the broke black guy that doesn’t get hired to be a greeter at Walmart, not the platinum-selling rap artist with a spoiled brat complex and a big mouth. I don’t go around saying that my failed rap career with Dead Wrong is because I’m white. Maybe I should (Dead Wrong was off the Hook!). I just feel that a person with Kanye’s level of wealth and success should not play the race card. It isn’t very becoming for a multi-millionaire…and I’m not just saying that because I’m white. Kanye, maybe this hasn’t occurred to you: It’s not because you’re black, it’s because you’re an asshole!
On Kanye West’s Wikipedia page there are many documented statements made by him regarding his skin color being the excuse for some sort of injustice. I won’t bore you by going through and citing each individual case, and his awkward statement associated with it (because we all have better things to do). However, if you want to read it for yourself then by all means go to his wiki page that I hyperlinked a few sentences back. Maybe that honorary doctorate he was issued was The Art Institute’s way of trying to get Kanye to just shut the fuck up, and stop complaining. There aren’t many higher levels of knowledge than that which comes with a doctorate, but when it is just handed out without going through the hassle of hard work and studying, then it is basically like giving Kanye West a third degree black belt in douching. “Yeah, fuck actually earning a degree, let’s just GIVE one to this shitty bag of douche nozzles, um…just because?” Hey, I want a free doctorate! How does Rusty Fish Hook get hooked up with one of those? I guess because I’m white I would have to pay full tuition (insert awkward laugh track).
Kanye West is a guy who complains like a bitch. That’s putting it in the simplest terms. However, he has complained his way to the top of the educational ladder, so apparently it worked. I’ll bet in Kanye’s idiotic brain, he’s convinced himself that he’s teaching the youth of America not to take any shit from people. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s really just advocating whining like a punk sissy! He’s the kid who runs off the baseball field crying after the umpire calls his third strike. He just cries until they let him onto first base (or just give him a free doctorate). Now let’s talk about his music: in my opinion, it’s mediocre at best. Maybe that’s because I haven’t really heard much of it. But you know what? I doubt that he had ever listened to Morning Phase by Beck prior to acting like a complete douche nozzle at the Grammys. Is that an assumption that I am making just because he is black? No…not just because he’s black. Let me make something clear for Mr. West: Kanye West is a lot of things, but he is not our Douche Nozzle of the Month because he is black. There are MANY other obvious factors that went into his nomination. I’m certain there will likely be many more Awkwardstuff douche nozzles of the Caucasian persuasion than all other races combined. That is Rusty Fish Hook’s prediction. This is based on the fact that I see many more white shitheads than anything else. With that, please let us enjoy the darkness of this douche nozzle’s skin color, and enjoy hating on him (and NOT because he’s black).
This is Rusty Fish Hook saying: “Douching is for winners.”
PS: I was actually advised to listen to the album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy because it’s supposedly good. As a music lover, of all types, I WILL listen to it. However, I made the conscious decision to hold off until after posting this so that I could approach the Douche Nozzle post with the same level of ignorance with which Kanye approaches the Grammys.
PPS: My usage of the term “free doctorate” does not imply that money did not change hands (I am confident that somebody paid somebody to make that happen). The word “free” was in reference to the academic effort involved in obtaining said degree.